You Can’t Get Ye Flask – Audio Play

[Author’s Note: Originally written October 2015]

Scene: 1

(THE NARRATOR SOUNDS LIKE A GPS AS VOICED BY A WOMAN OR PERHAPS SIRI, HER VOICE SOUNDS DISTANT, AS IF COMING FROM A PA SYSTEM.)

SOUND: THE SOUND OF WATER DRIPPING ONTO STONE, ECHOING SLIGHTLY

NARRATOR

You awake in a room. You hear the sound of dripping water, though it’s not clear which direction the water is coming from. There are three clear directions NORTH, EAST, and WEST.

LEXI

Go NORTH.

NARRATOR

You go NORTH. You drown. As you drown you think that the dropping water must’ve come from this room.

(COMPLETE SILENCE FOR A BEAT)

SOUND: THE SOUND OF WATER DRIPPING ONTO STONE, ECHOING SLIGHTLY CAN BE HEARD AGAIN

NARRATOR (cont’d)

You awake in a room. You hear the sound of dripping water, though it’s not clear which direction the water is coming from. There are three clear directions NORTH, EAST, and WEST.

 

LEXI

Go EAST.

 

NARRATOR

You enter a room. In the corner you see YE FLASK. There is one clear direction, NORTH.

 

LEXI

Get YE FLASK.

 

NARRATOR

You can’t get YE FLASK.

 

LEXI

Fine. Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

You go NORTH. There is an empty room. The room begins filling up with deadly neurotoxin. You die. Congratulations.

(SILENCE FOR A BEAT)

NARRATOR

You awake in a room…

(THE NARRATOR IS INTERRUPTED)

LEXI

Yeah, yeah I get it.

 

NARRATOR

Ok. No need to get snippy.

 

LEXI

Go WEST.

 

NARRATOR

There is an empty room with a piece of PAPER in the corner. There is one clear direction, NORTH.

 

LEXI

Get PAPER.

 

NARRATOR

You collect the piece of paper. It has some strange markings on it.

 

LEXI

Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

You enter a room. There is an arrow pointing to the only direction out, NORTH. There is some red writing beneath the arrow. It reads: CERTAIN DEATH.

 

LEXI

Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

You sure?

 

LEXI

Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

Alright, it’s your funeral.

 

NARRATOR (cont’d)

You enter a room. You are surprised to find yourself still alive. There is a skeleton laying on the floor. It has a GLINT in its eye. There are two clear directions, NORTH and EAST.

 

LEXI

Investigate GLINT.

 

NARRATOR

I do not understand.

 

LEXI

Fine. Look GLINT.

 

NARRATOR

You look at the glint in the skeleton’s eye. It’s a KEY.

 

LEXI

Take KEY.

 

NARRATOR

You take the KEY. There are two clear directions, NORTH and EAST.

 

LEXI

Go EAST.

 

NARRATOR

You enter a room. You meet another adventurer, ANNABELLE.

 

BELLE

I prefer BELLE actually.

 

NARRATOR

ANNABELLE joins you on your quest. There are two clear directions, NORTH and EAST.

 

BELLE

Go EAST.

 

NARRATOR

You go EAST. You enter a room. In the centre of the room stands a troll. He begins debating Hobbesian philosophies. He bores you to death. You die.

SOUND: THE SOUND OF WATER DRIPPING ONTO STONE, ECHOING SLIGHTLY CAN BE HEARD AGAIN

NARRATOR (cont’d)

You awake in a room. ANNABELLE is beside you…

 

BELLE

I told you, I prefer BELLE.

 

LEXI

Go WEST, Go NORTH, Go NORTH, Go EAST.

 

NARRATOR

Very well. You enter a room. It is empty.

LEXI

Go N…

(LEXI IS INTERRUPTED)

BELLE

SAVE.

 

NARRATOR

Progress SAVED.

(SILENCE)

LEXI

(TO BELLE)

Thank you.

BELLE

You’re welcome. Saves us some time.

LEXI

Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

You go NORTH. ARROWS fly at you from every direction. You die.

 

SOUND: THE SOUND OF ARROWS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR CAN BE HEARD

NARRATOR (cont’d)

You awake in an empty room. ANNABELLE is by your side.

VOICE: BELLE SIGHS, EXASPERATED AT THE CONTINUED USE OF HER NAME

LEXI

Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

You sure?

 

BELLE

You sure?

 

LEXI

Yes. Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

Fine. You go NORTH. ARROWS fly at you from every direction…

 

LEXI

Dodge ARROWS.

SOUND: THE SOUND OF ARROWS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR CAN BE HEARD

NARRATOR

You dodge the ARROWS with grace and skill. After the danger has cleared you see two clear directions, WEST and EAST.

 

BELLE

Go EAST.

 

NARRATOR

You go EAST. You find yourself in an empty room. There are no clear directions. In the middle of the room is a bottle of WHISKEY.

 

LEXI

Go WEST.

 

NARRATOR

You can’t go back. You are trapped.

SOUND: SILENCE FOR A BEAT

LEXI

Drink WHISKEY.

NARRATOR

You take a swig of WHISKEY.

SOUND: A BOTTLE BEING OPENED AND THE SOUND OF DRINKING

LEXI

(SLIGHTLY SLURRED)

That’s very strong.

SOUND: THE SOUND OF KNOCKING ON STONE CAN BE HEARD

LEXI (cont’d)

What are you doing?

 

BELLE

There must be a secret door somewhere here.

LEXI

Doubt it. This woman is toying with us. You want some?

BELLE

 I don’t drink.

SOUND: MORE DRINKING

SOUND: MORE KNOCKING. THEN THE SOUND OF KNOCKING ON A HOLLOW SURFACE

BELLE (cont’d)

I think I found it.

 

LEXI

(IMPRESSED, THEN DRUNKENLY CONFESSIONAL)

You’re so clever… and pretty.

 

SOUND: THE SOUND OF SHIFTING STONE CAN BE HEARD

NARRATOR

You enter a room. There is a strange LIGHT in the centre of the room.

 

LEXI

Go LIGHT.

 

NARRATOR

You enter the LIGHT and feel yourself transported. You exit the LIGHT. You are in a new room. There is one clear direction, NORTH.

 

BELLE

Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

You go NORTH. You enter a room. A wall rises in the middle of the room. To avoid getting crushed you choose a direction, EAST or WEST?

 

LEXI

WEST.

 

BELLE

 

EAST.

 

NARRATOR

You jump to opposite sides of the room and are separated as the wall splits the room in half.

 

LEXI

Belle? You ok?

(BELLE’S SPEECH IS MUFFLED)

BELLE

Yeah, I’m fine. By the way, I never did get your name.

 

LEXI

 It’s Lexi.

BELLE

Right, Lexi. Nice name. Any idea what the plan is?

LEXI

We just need to find a way to meet up. If we go our separate directions, then north, then back inwards. That should get us in the same room.

 

BELLE

Ok. Go EAST.

 

LEXI

Go WEST.

 

NARRATOR

You enter a room. There stands a MINOTAUR before you. He has an AXE in his hand.

SOUND: THE MINOTAUR ROARS

LEXI

Dodge AXE.

 

NARRATOR

You dodge the AXE but the MINOTAUR rams its head into you. You are hurt, but alive. The Minotaur continues to pursue you. There is one clear direction, NORTH.

 

LEXI

Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

You go NORTH. You enter a room. There is what appears to be a mirror on the WEST side of the room. There is one clear direction, EAST.

 

LEXI

Look MIRROR.

 

NARRATOR

You look in the MIRROR and see ANNABELLE. ANNABELLE is holding an AXE. She spots you. She points behind you. You turn around. The MINOTAUR has followed you. The axe swings down and lodges itself in your chest. The blood rushes out of your body. In your final moments you turn to the mirror and see the horror on your companion’s face as you die.

(SILENCE FOR A BEAT)

NARRATOR

You awake in a room. A wall begins to separate the room. There are two clear directions, EAST and WEST. I took the liberty of auto-saving since you seemed to forget about saving. You will have to pay for this act of kindness later though.

 

LEXI

Go EAST.

 

NARRATOR

You go EAST. You enter a room. In the centre of the room lays a dead Minotaur. Blood gushing from a large axe wound in its neck. There is one clear direction, NORTH.

 

LEXI

Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

You go NORTH. On the EAST side of the room is a mirror. It shows the Minotaur feasting on your old corpse. It does not seem to notice you. There is one clear direction, WEST.

 

NARRATOR (cont’d)

You go WEST. You enter an empty room. You are reunited with ANNABELLE. You hug. It’s very sweet and all that. There is one clear direction, NORTH.

 

LEXI

(TOGETHER) Go NORTH.

BELLE

(TOGETHER) Go NORTH.

 

NARRATOR

You go NORTH and enter the final room. There is a large red DOOR. It is adorned with gold markings. There is a KEYHOLE in the centre of the door.

 

LEXI

INVENTORY.

 

NARRATOR

You open your INVENTORY. You have a KEY.

 

LEXI

Unlock DOOR.

 

NARRATOR

I don’t understand.

 

LEXI

Put KEY in KEYHOLE.

 

NARRATOR

I don’t understand.

 

LEXI

Enter KEY.

 

NARRATOR

I don’t understand.

 

BELLE

Break down DOOR.

 

SOUND: THE SOUND OF SPLINTERING WOOD

NARRATOR

You successfully break down the door. Sunlight pours into the room. You join, hand in hand, and step into the sun of a brand new day. A vague sense of accomplishment enters you.

 

LEXI

You ready?

 

BELLE

Mmm Hmm.

 

SOUND: THE SOUND OF BIRDS, PEACEFULLY CHIRPING. THE SOUND OF A GENTLE SUMMER

SOUND: COMPLETE SILENCE FOR A BEAT

Scene: 2

SOUND: THE SOUND OF WATER DRIPPING ONTO STONE, ECHOING SLIGHTLY

NARRATOR

(CLEAR, AS IF THE NARRATOR IS IN THE ROOM)

You awake in a room. There are no clear exits. ANNABELLE is beside you.

(THERE IS SOMETHING ODD IN THE WAY THE NARRATOR SOUNDS IN THIS SCENE. HER MANNER OF SPEECH IS MUCH LESS ROBOTIC, MUCH LESS STILTED.)

NARRATOR (cont’d)

Hello ladies.

 

LEXI

You!

 

SOUND: THE SOUND OF A FIST HITTING A FACE

NARRATOR

Well, I certainly deserved that.

 

LEXI

I’ve got a hell of a lot of questions for you.

 

NARRATOR

Yes, I imagine you do.

 

LEXI

We were free from your Labyrinth. You dangled the carrot of freedom in front of us and then took it away. You’re a monster.

 

NARRATOR

Maybe, but no more of a monster than I need to be. You think me some grand architect in this ongoing pursuit of due North. I am as much a pawn as you. Albeit one on a higher level. I wanted you girls to know that before we started again. To prove to you that I’m not some capricious monster.

SOUND: THE SOUND OF FAINTLY TINKLING GLASS, COUPLED WITH AN UNEARTHLY WHIR

LEXI

No! You don’t get to leave. I have more raging to do!

(LEXI CONTINUES TO RANT AT THE DISAPPEARED NARRATOR)

BELLE

Lexi!

SOUND: LEXI FALLS SILENT

BELLE (cont’d)

There’s no point arguing with a spectre.

 

LEXI

So, what? We just keep going?

BELLE

Yes, we keep going because we must. It might be hard but now, we won’t be alone.

LEXI

I kind of love you.

BELLE

I kind of love you too.

 

(END)

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